I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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