all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
