i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
