Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
