that's an acceptable place to lick
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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