My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
