she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
