I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
