In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
