So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
