I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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