He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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