come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
and she was petting her beer can
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
