I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
