and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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