I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
