I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
