Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize