Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
