So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I love black thongs
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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