Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
