I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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