Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have surprise drugs for everyone
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize