just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
