my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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