he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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