The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
