wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
