you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
