So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Can I color on your dick again?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
