While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
