i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
