he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize