at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
