There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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