So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
