Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I could fuck to npr.
so much tequila, so little girl.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
