I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I've blown a few things in my day
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
