How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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