In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize