you guys were way drunker than both of me
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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