No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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