For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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