bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
mondays should just be called national damage control day
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
