i was born a porn star she said
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize