i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
