i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Randomize
