I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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