I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize