When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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