Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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