lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
