Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
