He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
