ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
