Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
