I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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