Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
