I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize