Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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