I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize