hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
