They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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