Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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