I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize