Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
