Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
