I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
