I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
