As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
