Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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