He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
