Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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