My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
