I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
