I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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