so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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