When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
