i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize