I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
you made out with another girl for some wings
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
