Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
