i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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