u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize