if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
