Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
What a dumb baby whore.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
