there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
