Redeem this text for a blowjob
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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