dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
