Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Pooping to opera.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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