I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
even my farts smell like vagina
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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