from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
