"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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