We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
