Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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