Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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