well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize