how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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