she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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