im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
