maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
