Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
