you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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