He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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