"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize