dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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